Boring – Pointless – Dangerous – Interesting – Useful – Beneficial – Scary – Unsafe – Impossible??

           As with many other things in life, our thoughts about lungeing will be influenced by our past experiences.

           There are many reasons that we might want to lunge. We might lunge to exercise our horse rather than hack out or ride in the arena.  We might want to introduce our horse to poles and jumping on the lunge. There may be times when lungeing is recommended by a therapist or veterinary surgeon, to exercise our horse in a controlled manner or in a certain direction.  Maybe this is to tone or build up muscle or to relax muscles for them to work more effectively.

           However, sometimes lungeing can turn into our worst nightmare and the temptation may be to give up.

           When I first had Jack he was thin and had little muscle tone and was very unfit.  He was unpredictable when being lunged, became tense in his neck and fell in on both reins.  Recipe for disaster! One day, although I normally used my own version of a running rein to lunge, I decided to use a Pessoa (a training aid designed to bring awareness to the horse of a preferred way of moving his body, encouraging him to step under his body with his hind leg and lower his neck and release his back muscles).  However as soon as I put the roller around Jack’s tummy and the sheep skin strap under his tail I could sense more tension in him.  The next time I moved Jack into trot on the left rein he charged forwards and sidewards at the same time, towards me.  I had this image that he wanted to jump into my arms! I had completely forgotten about that image until some years later when I asked an Animal Communicator and healer to work with Jack.  In one of her emails she described an image that she’d had; it was a cartoon image of Jack running and leaping into my arms!  He wasn’t happy with the Pessoa.

           From then on I decided to lunge without any training devices, despite the thoughts going through my head “but you were recommended to use the Pessoa” and “how else are you going to build up his muscles correctly?”

          I remembered lungeing horses and just instinctively knowing where to be to encourage them forward, how to keep it interesting, how long to spend on each rein, what to do to encourage suppleness, when to reward, how to use my voice commands.  The irony was that all those years ago I didn’t know what I was doing and how I was doing it!

           As I thought back I connected to a time when I used to break in horses for other people, not long after I’d started my own business.  I’d learned mostly from my Mum and from the horses that I’d ridden and worked with. During the early years of breaking in horses I followed my instincts, took the time I needed and learnt by my mistakes and from feedback from the horses.  I had my own premises and I had no-one to question what I was doing.  However, I often felt inadequate because I hadn’t done an apprenticeship at an Equestrian Centre.  When I decided that I wanted to become a Riding Instructor and horse trainer (at the age of 26) I went off to Leigh Equestrian Centre in Dorset and on a day release basis, over a 6 month period attained my B.H.S.A.I.  (British Horse Society Assistant Instructor)

          Once I’d completed my training as a BHSAI and set up my business I started training students towards their BHSAI.  I taught them by the book!  I began to focus on how to hold the lunge line and lunge whip, I taught them to stand still in the centre of a circle (the worst thing possible for a stiff horse!!) and how to use the voice commands etc.  But when they were lungeing a young horse or one with some challenging behaviour I became frustrated when I couldn’t describe what I knew how to do instinctively.  I just had to take over and show them! I couldn’t understand why they couldn’t anticipate the horse’s movements or sudden desire to change direction.  At that time I didn’t realise where I was getting my information from and so I certainly couldn’t pass it on.

          Often the best method was to give the students the horse, sit down on a chair and watch them.  Give them a few instructions about safety and set an intention and then allow them to work the rest out for themselves.  If the horse or pony continually turned in, they needed to learn how to anticipate it happening, where to position themselves, what encouragement to give with the whip, timing, flexibility and how to move on after a perceived mistake.

           The other problem for me back then was that I had little confidence in my own instincts and opinions and often felt that I had to choose between the BHS training I’d acquired and my own feelings and ideas.  Over the years and particularly in the past few years whilst studying and learning the Epona approach I realise that true horsemanship is about combining both learned knowledge and intuitive wisdom.

           On reaching this crisis point with Jack I realised that I had to go back to trusting my instincts.  Every bit of my body was telling me that I simply had to lunge him from the headcollar or lunge cavesson with NO training aids! I had to make this experience easy and enjoyable for him – in a calm and relaxed atmosphere. 

           And so, here I was with Jack to lunge.  He lacked forwardness, he was stiff, his movements and behaviour was unpredictable and sometimes he wanted to jump on top of me.

           Why was I so scared?  He didn’t respect my space.  Even in the field when I was skipping out, I’m sure he’d have galloped over me if I hadn’t run the other side of the wheelbarrow!  I fell into that emotional story “if I prevent him from coming right up to me, he won’t love me any more!!”

           I tried various natural horsemanship techniques, but they didn’t work for me, in fact they made matters worse, because the problem at this time was with me and not with Jack.  When I took the action I needed to take to keep me safe and keep him out of my space, I became anxious and frustrated and Jack picked up and mirrored my feelings.

           It wasn’t until I had my first Epona session with Angela Dunning (www.equinereflections.co.uk) that the penny dropped.  Once I acknowledged my feelings of fear and took responsibility to set my boundary clearly and keep myself safe and I’d identified with feelings of lack of self worth and my false self voices (“I thought you were supposed to be a horse trainer”) I was able to connect with the horse in a calm and confident way.  The irony was that I achieved this learning even though Angela’s horse was simply walking towards me to say hello, because initially I responded fearfully because she was a horse that I didn’t know. 

           Recognising my fear and setting clear boundaries was the next piece of the puzzle and for the next few months I continued the lungeing sessions with Jack, feeling more safe.  Now that I wasn’t frightened I could look at Jack with a different perspective.  I now became aware of the lack of freedom in both his shoulders and his hindquarters.

           Not long after, Jack and I had a fall on the road and I broke my collar bone.  Arm in sling, unable to do too much with my arms I had plenty of time to work out my next step.  During the next few months the learning that I needed came to me in quick succession. 

           Firstly I attended a course in the Tellington Touch Awareness Method at Tilley Farm.  Then I attended several courses with Peggy Cummings of Connected Riding and I began to learn more about The Epona approach and began my training to become a facilitator of Equine Facilitated Learning.

          Studying and incorporating the techniques of TTeam and Connected Riding into my work with Jack and with my clients’ horses has developed my understanding and awareness of the horse’s body and body movement.  Together with the learning I’ve embodied through integrating The Epona Approach into my life it has taken my understanding and facilitation of lungeing to a whole new level. 

           I now combine the learning and knowledge that I’ve acquired from my BHS training with these techniques and with my own intuition and have a horse who is happy to be lunged and who can move freely from straight lines to circles, from one pace to another and who can bend uniformly through his body on a circle.

           On my workshops and with clients I pass on what I have learned from these various techniques and training and I help clients develop their own intuitive wisdom.

Rosie 

         Authenticity is the ‘real’ you – your heart and soul – the essence of who you are.  It’s when you have the ability to flow with your emotions, be congruent, live in the present moment and therefore be open to respond to life’s opportunities with balance between your head and your heart.

          You know when you are being authentic, it’s simple – you FEEL GOOD!!

          When I was a teenager, I can remember my Mum saying to me ‘Just be yourself’, when I was worried about going into a new or strange situation.  I used to think ‘But which self is that? The one who answers the telephone, the one who I need to be when visiting Great Aunt, the one I am at college, the one I am at home or the one I am with my ponies??  Which was the ‘real’ me?’  I longed to be my self – the same ‘me’ in all situations; if only I was good enough to be myself!!

          Here was the clue.  I believed that I needed to behave appropriately to different situations, to be accepted, to gain approval, to be my best.  This is a conditioned sense of ‘self’.  Our ‘authentic self’ is the one hidden beneath all the ‘masks’, all the layers of conditioning and limiting belief patterns.  And so how do we access our authenticity?  In the words of Lao-Tzu: A journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step.

          My journey to authenticity began during my studies in Life Coaching.  I began to learn what was important to me and what I valued in my life.  I began to recognise that my beliefs were simply thoughts that I’d continued to think for a long time.  Some were useful and some were detrimental to my health, wellbeing and happiness.  I also learnt that as I brought the limiting belief patterns into the light they lost their power over me and new, more helpful beliefs could take their place.  This was often a liberating experience, but sometimes the celebration came after the anger I felt as I realised that I’d limited myself for so many years!!

          Over time I learned to accept my past limitations as I learnt that these old beliefs were survival patterns that had kept me safe as a child.  I could then be grateful for what I’d achieved and let go of the past, which always left me feeling lighter and more joyful.  I began to question all my beliefs – quite a sobering experience – at the then tender age of 45!!

          When I planned to sell the Riding Centre that I’d built and run for 14 years a new wave of vulnerability hit me.  I had come to know the Rosie who had a successful riding centre and was well known in the area and I accepted her as ‘me’.  But who was I under this mask?  I wanted to find out.

          I continued my journey of self awareness and personal development as I studied, learned and practised Reiki, Radionics and Hypnotherapy.  I worked as a Freelance Riding Instructor and what I noticed was that I loved teaching.  I was most joyful when I was in the company of horses and their owners – in a mutual learning environment and relationship.  I was totally ‘myself’ in these situations.  I noted it down!

          In November 2006 a new horse came into my life, who was to lead me to the next step of my journey into authenticity, Jack.  Looking back it’s hard to believe that I bought Jack.  He wasn’t the horse that I truly wanted at that time, he wasn’t fit and ready to go, and I knew it would take time.  Now I realise that behind this decision was another limiting belief – “I won’t find a horse that will do everything I want it to do, I’ll have to make it”. 

          The fittening process was one that I was very familiar with and over the ensuing months Jack grew in strength and condition; he looked a picture of health.  However, what I hadn’t noticed, under the mask of his lack of fitness, was his level of fear and unpredictability, particularly when he was left alone.  As he grew fitter and stronger he could spook more rapidly and soon my confidence turned to fear and our relationship started to deteriorate.  But why??

          What I didn’t realise at the time but which became clear later, was that I didn’t honour my ‘fear’ when it arose.  I continued to act confident, as I was so used to doing.  However, this left me in a state of prolonged alertness and Jack could literally feel my fear and that added to his own insecurities.

          After our fall in September 2008 I knew that I had to face my fear.  I either had to sell Jack to someone with more confidence and feel a fraud for the rest of my life, or I had to admit to myself, to Jack and to the world that I was frightened of him.  On some level, I knew that the latter was the path that I had to take, and however painful, was the path to set me free.  Once I could honour my fear I could keep myself safe and begin to build a relationship based on honesty and trust.  Whilst recuperating from my fall I read the notes that I’d been given months earlier by an Animal Communicator.  Holly Davies had told me about Linda Kohanov, an author and co-founder of Epona Equestrian Services.

          I found the Epona Equestrian Services website www.eponaquest.com from which I located a facilitator in the UK and within 2 months I attended a private session in the Epona Approach of Equine Facilitated Learning with Angela Dunning www.equinereflections.co.uk.  Within 3 months I had started on the EASE Programme and in March 2010 I qualified as an Epona Approved Facilitator. 

          The Epona Approach teaches the Emotional Message Chart as written by Linda Kohanov in her book, Riding Between the Worlds.  Horses are masters of emotional agility.  They communicate through their emotions.  For example, if they are in a field and suddenly a piece of loose paper flies into the hedge they may be frightened.  They feel their fear, they run to the other end of the field, they turn to inspect the new intrusion and when they recognise it to be safe, they go back to grazing. 

          The biggest impact of the Epona approach on my life has been learning about emotions as information to guide and support my daily life.  I feel more calm, content and more alive.  Throughout my life I’d become a master at suppressing my emotions.  I grew up not wanting to be a ‘cry baby’ and bottled up my tears, even though I knew I often felt better after a good cry. I suppressed my anger, not realising that it had a simple message about the need to set a boundary.  Unfortunately when the boundary continued to be violated my anger often turned into outbursts of rage or sarcastic condemnations, followed by the inevitable feelings of guilt and shame for acting so offensively.

          I was so used to suppressing my feelings that learning to feel my emotions in their purest form has been the biggest challenge.  However, it has also been the greatest reward, bringing increased calm, happiness and joy into my life.  With the understanding that the emotion has to offer me I can now take appropriate action to allow my body to return to its original state.

          As I embrace a whole range of emotions in their purest form my life is much richer.  As I have begun to honour what I truly feel, free of old survival patterns I have been able to do more of what I want to do, I’ve had fun trying new things and I’m open to new opportunities.  I’m more able to trust my own instincts and I don’t have to rely on the approval of others.

          Of equal importance to my personal growth was what I learned about being congruent; by this I mean acting in the same way as I was feeling.  This was when I learned that all the time I thought I was fooling Jack by acting confident, he knew that I was fearful, and that was partly causing him to over react to certain situations.  I can now honestly say that I finally know how to ‘Just be Myself’!

          To complete the triad of what’s important to be the ‘real’ you is the ability to respond in the present moment.  This is achieved when we can see each situation as if it is happening for the first time with the innocence of a child, free of any limiting thoughts and beliefs.  I think that this is a job of a lifetime.  Since horses live in the moment they are great teachers of this concept, whether we are just in their presence or whether we are working with them on the ground or riding them.  They teach us how to ‘go with the flow’ and how to embrace not knowing what’s going to happen next.  Over time this allows us to enjoy the present moment more fully.

          Accessing authenticity brings a greater sense of calm, contentment, joy and happiness into life.  Life becomes more about the journey on our way to reaching our potential and our greatest achievements.  The added benefit is that as each of us feel more joy and contentment in our lives it ripples out to all those around us, and impacts all our relationships with human and animal beings.

Rosie 

Why did I dream of lakes and mountains and become rapturous when I visited beautiful landscapes, hills and valleys?

When I always lived in the countryside, why did I yearn for something that I was already surrounded by?

After I sold Hartley Wood and began to travel around the countryside as a freelance riding coach it was as if I was noticing the flowers of the spring, smelling the honeysuckle and seeing lambs skip in the fields for the first time!! I had awoken from the dream that was my life.

I’d been so focused (obsessed) with my work, working long hours, that I didn’t even notice the simple things in life – which were always there. 

I literally ‘woke up’ and could smell the roses!!

If only it was that simple!  If only I had realised that my dreams of lakes and mountains, of open landscapes etc were a call for me to connect with the nature that was all around me.

We live in an area of outstanding natural beauty, we overlook the Mendip hills, have woods and a lake within walking distance and the horses close by in the fields.  And yet, being too busy, too tired, or too much ‘in my head’ I proved that it’s actually possible to spend considerable years of one’s life being completely ‘disconnected’ from the beauty of nature that surrounds us.

Inevitably some event (often life changing) occurs that jolts us out of the dream that we know as our life, to change our perspective!!

I’ve had several of these experiences or events in my life – divorce, death of my father and the sale of my business.  However, it was a fall from Jack – which caused me to ‘wake up’ and led me to my first experience of the Epona approach. I began to change my perspective and become clearer about who I am and what I truly want for myself.  Yet again I was being called to question the purpose of my life.  It was no surprise that the EASE programme attracted me with it’s title “Awakening to your Life’s Purpose through the Way of the Horse”.

I realise now that I had lost my sense of self.  I had a huge desire to help others and yet as I sought approval from those nearest and dearest to me I became so lost in other people’s dreams, desires and wishes that I completely disconnected from my own.  In fact, I even realised that some of my goals and achievements were actually driven by a desire to please others. 

How did I recognise this?

When I noticed that I didn’t feel a sense of ‘joy’ on achieving some of these goals, rather I experienced a sense of relief!!  However, when I achieved goals that were truly my own desire I felt joy and contentment. 

Gradually I began to discern what I truly wanted to achieve for myself and what I was drawn to achieve to gain approval.  Sharing ideas with those whose approval I would normally seek, especially in my ‘new growth stage’, only served to fuel my confusion and discomfort!!  I realised that I either had to keep my thoughts to myself or have conversations with those who were impartial to my path. 

It’s easy to be attached to the belief that if we ‘please ourselves’ we are ‘selfish’.  I can only speak for myself, but as I have become more self aware and begun to understand my feelings, emotions and desires I can better support others and am more able to show true empathy and compassion.

To become connected with your true (authentic) self and to let go of all the expectations of the ‘ego’ is a journey of a lifetime – but I’m finding it is a journey worthwhile as every day opens up new challenges and new opportunities for growth and fulfilment.

At first there were times when I wished I was still in my dream.  When life’s challenges seemed to overwhelm me it was tempting to revert to the old familiar patterns. 

However, the joy that I am experiencing through meeting life’s challenges with true feeling and openness and the new depth I feel from engaging with my family, friends, animals, community and nature in a more authentic way is well worth the effort.

Rosie

What most terrified me about riding Jack when I first bought him was his unpredictability. I’d largely had thoroughbreds and Irish horses in the past – and in the main they told me if they were frightened of something well in advance!! This gave me plenty of time to give the horse confidence and reassurance about the object of concern and to keep myself safe. 

With Jack there was little and often NO warning.   

Warmbloods, I’ve now found out, are known for their unpredictability – and when I first had Jack he walked out from home quite happily on his own – but when he met something that unnerved him he went from seemingly calm and unphased to reactive and speeding off either forwards or sideways. 

It seems to me that he was often so disconnected from his senses and feelings that it was only when his unacknowledged feelings built up and startled him that he reacted so violently. Since he hadn’t even noticed his own concern – he didn’t transmit it to me – until we stopped abruptly and span around in the road – or bolted off in another direction.   

On one of these occasions, two years ago Jack spooked, slipped on the road and we both fell to the road on our right shoulders, resulting in shock, sore limbs and in addition a broken collar bone for me. It was this incident which fuelled my desire to start from the beginning again!! 

It’s been a long and sometimes arduous journey – of self awareness and intuitive riding and training. 

An animal communicator told me that Jack would teach me all I needed to know – and this has been true. The training that I’ve received during the past few years has given me the tools and techniques – but it’s Jack who has taught me how to apply them and how to balance assertiveness and sensitivity. 

Of course, what I now know, is that Jack was reflecting to me my own ability to disconnect from my senses and feelings!!!! 

I’ve now learned how to be calm in my body, to give simple, clear, effective aids and to praise his slightest effort. I’ve learned to gain confidence in my own ideas and wisdom. This is resulting in Jack becoming light, responsive, expressive and calm at the same time.

As I hacked Jack out yesterday it was as if he was seeing things for the first time! 

He seemed alive – instead of a zombie. He noticed the sheep in the fields, kids playing football in a garden, the engines of lawnmowers etc etc – he pricked his ears, stopped to have a look and take an interest and then he calmly walked on. 

I kept thinking “this is weird – he’s never been this ‘spooky’ in all the time that I’ve had him” – but then the penny dropped and I made the connection. He was so caught up in his trance before (dissociated from the world around him) that he just didn’t notice things. Yet his body registered the distractions on some level because when it was too much for his system to bear – he would scoot off. 

As we rode around the village yesterday I was able to treat Jack in the way that I would a 3 or 4 year old, just broken in – with time and patience – to familiarise him with these happenings and events that he’d just woken up to.  

We often don’t give horses the credit they deserve for their sensitivity – we’re either too impatient to notice their response to our requests; we’re giving them 2 or more requests at the same time and they become confused; or we perceive their sensitivity as a threat to our safety – and I’ve been guilty of all of these!! 

When we recognise how keen horses are to learn, how hard they try to respond to the cues that we give them and when we make our requests clear, calm and confident we can enjoy our horses’ sensitivity and learn to familiarise them with new situations and frightening events – rather than trying to shut down their senses. 

I felt safer riding Jack yesterday than ever before.  Now that he is able to express his feelings and concerns we have time to work out a solution which is safe for us both and which is leading us to a happier more trusting relationship.  Happy riding.

Rosie

So why was it that on so many occasions when I put time aside for ‘me’ I didn’t feel the benefit that I’d imagined??

What was I doing with my ‘me’ time?

How did I feel?

And what was going on in my head?

When I asked myself these questions I realised that, so often, I spent my ‘me’ time doing something useful e.g. shopping, painting, studying or even exercising the horses

What was I feeling during this time?  – often tired and sometimes resentful

And what was going on in my head?  – endless thoughts about never having any time for me!!!!!!!!!!!!!

During the last few years I have begun to understand a more replenishing experience of ‘me’ time.

What am I doing now when I take time out for myself??

I could be walking with Alfie across the fields, admiring the beautiful countryside, sitting in the garden or in the field with the horses, having a massage or a healing treatment or simply resting in the chair.

What am I feeling?

If I’m outside I might feel the warmth of the sun on my face, or the wind blowing through my hair, the crisp coldness on my skin or the quality of the ground underneath my feet.

If I’m having a treatment I might feel the warmth of the room, the gentle movements on my skin or my breathing slowing as I relax into the chair or the treatment bed.

…………… and on any of these occasions what I eventually feel is stillness and the feeling of peace all around me.

And what is going on in my head?

Who knows?  By this time I’m so relaxed that the thoughts just come and go like clouds passing through the sky.

This is now my idea of the ‘me’ time that replenishes my soul.

What is your idea of ‘me’ time?

Rosie

Unfortunately it started with a bout of the flu, which certainly kept me grounded for a little while………..and gave me plenty of time to ponder my New Year’s resolutions.

But then as my energy began to flow again I was suddenly overwhelmed with loads of ideas, insights and inspirations ………… the question was how to focus my attention!!

The first and most inspiring task was to bring all the final pieces of information together for this new website and then to start writing a Blog! I have to say that I’m delighted with the site – and so many thanks to Sophie and Nigel for their support in bringing this creation into being!

So then, back to the rest of this list………….. what evolved next was the way that I find it easiest to bring my pool of ideas into focus and action. And so I thought, there’s an idea for my first blog or sharing or insights:

1. Spend 10/15 minutes in quiet time – walking the dog, skipping out the field, mucking out stables or just being with the horses

2. Get all my ideas out of my head – write down all the to do’s, the thoughts and the insights

3. What do I feel inspired to do right now?

4. Take one small step in that direction – and that will get the ball rolling

5. Focus on what I want

6. Then, take each step as it comes

7. When I’ve completed the process then ask myself question 2 and start over again: What do I feel inspired to do next?

Learn to follow your joy and then it’s possible to enjoy the journey………………………………..

Rosie

I’ll be sharing my thoughts and experiences – plus all my latest news.

Please feel free to leave comments, questions or suggestions.

Rosie